hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
