her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
