He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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