my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
