I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
