how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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