You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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