my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
