No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
