ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
