xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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