I'm so fucking centered right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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