He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
