I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize