He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found the puke drawer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
