what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
