i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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