Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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