Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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