so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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