I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
