I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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