so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
