Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
