So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My ass is underappreciated
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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