Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
