Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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