Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
