I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
