So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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