I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
