you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
