So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
