all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
