every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize