well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
