Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
