i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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