I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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