My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
