I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize