the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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