She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
