Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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