I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
