you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
