why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
