Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
