i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
