I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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