i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
