i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
