So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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