is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come share oat with me in your robe
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
