My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
