Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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