i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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