As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
