dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
