Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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