I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
