Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
