Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
