If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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