Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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