Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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