Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
