Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
