non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
