Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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