saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
