you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
