i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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