Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
