I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
