nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
