Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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