How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
